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Crucial Conversations

In this episode, Tom is inspired by “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson and goes over having hard talks when there’s conflict. Specifically, how we can control them, focus through them, and get out what we want from them.

3 Must-Hear Takeaways from this episode

Stay focused on what you want out of the conversation so you don’t get emotional.
Be a safe place by not jumping to conclusions and making accusations.
Have takeaway steps so both parties in the conversation know how to proceed and grow the relationship.

Show Notes:

Sometimes we can get into a heated conversation that only seems to do damage and goes nowhere. But, you feel stuck and unable to talk to someone because it’s too sensitive of an area.

That is why conflict management is so important. We all need to learn to navigate conflict with this set of tools: focus on what you want from the conversation, be a safe place, and have takeaway steps.

Staying focused on what you want out of the conversation — Stay focused on what you want when things get heated or intense. People start getting their personal feelings involved and not only do you not agree, but you also get into name-calling. Stay on target and instead of getting emotional about a topic, state what you want out of the conversation.

Have to be a safe place — When having crucial conversations, don’t make accusations. Ask for someone to open up about their side of the story so you can understand their perspective. It’s important to not assume and prevent jumping to conclusions, so don’t believe you know what that person’s agenda or motive is for the conversation. Over time of the relationship, that person becomes a safe place because they trust that your stated goal is actually your goal.

Have takeaway steps — What are you going to take responsibility for leaving the conversation? When you walk away from a conversation, state what you’re going to do/not going to do, and ask they follow a set of steps. One action step should be how to revisit the conversation in order to measure success so you can celebrate the growth of the relationship. Over time, that lessens the tension and increases the progress on whatever the crucial conversation is about.


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